I feel hot today!

No particular reason why I'm feeling so good, but I do! Maybe it has something to do with the run I went for last night - it feels good to have my thighs hurt. Maybe it's the size small top I'm wearing. Maybe it's that the scale said 180 this morning or that I'm having a good hair day. Or that maybe I feel so good because I'm at peace with myself. Come on world, bring it on, I can take it today!!

And to the last boy that broke my heart, I have something to say. I'm not wasting anymore time wondering why it didn't work out between us. I am not using any more energy on you. I will always love you and have a place in my heart for you, but it's your loss. I am an amazing friend, passionate about life and have lost 40 pounds since you saw me. Suck it! And now I will not think about you anymore.

They called me a runner!!!

What a beautiful weekend!! On Saturday morning my roomie and I went out for a run/hike. At the end of our hike, when we about a half mile from the car, we passed an older woman, walking her two dogs and clinging to the side of the trail. We went past and then stopped, went back and asked if she needed help. Turns out she's terrified of hiking but has been doing it for a couple of years and won't give up. So we helped her with her dogs until the trail got a little easier. Clumsy me managed to slip on some rocks and scrape my knee up. Nothing new, I'm clumsy and it's a great looking battle scar.

Sunday, after church, I decided to go out again and really push myself. So I ran way more than I ever have (WOO HOO!!!!) and when I passed a family, they called out ahead to someone in their group, "watch out, there's a runner." I couldn't stop smiling, someone else called me a runner!!!!! I'm a runner and it feels darned good. Even though my knee is killing me today, I don't care. I can do this!

Happy Summer Solstice

Happy Sunny Day! Go out and enjoy the most sun of the year! I am!

Things to do this summer

• Do a 5K Run (even if I don't quite run the whole thing)
• Enjoy food festivals including: Gilroy Garlic Festival, Watsonville Strawberry Festival, Marysville Peach Festival and Alameda Peanut Butter and Jelly Festival
• Hike half-dome in Yosemite
• Go biking more
• Take a nap in a sunny spot in a park
• Try five new hiking trails in Oakland

I love summer!!!

Leona Heights Park

One trail that I love to go for a quick run/hike is the York Trail, at Leona Heights Park by Leona Lodge in Oakland. It's short, maybe roundtrip 3 miles, good elevation change, close to home and perfect for a quick (I'm working up to running the whole thing) workout. Did it yesterday, ran less, coughed more, but it was good to be doing something!

The sad part of the story is that in the past few weeks a lot of graffiti has started showing up on the beautiful rocks, along with trash, bottles, etc. So I pick up trash on my way out and try to ignore the spray paint. It makes me sad that others want to ruin a beautiful place. I'm calling tomorrow to see if there is anything I can do to help, not that I can really run off kids with spray paint cans....but maybe we can organize a neighborhood clean-up/awareness project. It's not cool to ruin my favorite park!

The Weekend

I had a wonderfully relaxing weekend and have finally gotten over this cold (except for a slight cough, but I'm ignoring it) and am excited to go running tonight! I'm sneaking out of work as early as I can and am going to go do a short trail! I'm excited, super excited to get back out in nature and exercise.

One NSV (Non-Scale Victory) this weekend that I think speaks to Target's lack of sensibility in women's clothing sizes than my weight.....I bought a skirt, sized 4 and a top, sized Small. I'm trying to not let this go to my head, because, well, I know I'm a pretty solid 12 right now, but it feels good to have something in my closet with a single digit size on it!! Here's to getting to an actual size 4 someday!

Exercising when sick?

The last three days I have been feeling generally crappy. Stuffed then running rose, sore throat, kinda achy, watering eyes, etc. (Sounds like so much fun, I know you want to come over and nurse me back to health.) The debate in my mind is whether or not to go on a group hike tomorrow that I've been looking forward to for weeks at Pt. Reyes.

Knowing this hike was coming, I didn't work out Wednesday or Thursday and doubt I'm going to make it today since the walk to the mailbox nearly did me in. The logical part of me says, uh, hello....rest! You are actually sick, which rarely happens. The other part of me is itching to get out there and feel the ocean breeze and push myself a bit. Here's the game plan. I'm going to go to bed super early tonight and see how I feel when I wake up, but with the mind set that I want to do this hike and may need to push myself a bit. I wonder how this is going to go.

Workout video review: Shaun T. Hip Hop Abs

My roommate loves workout videos but finds herself getting bored with them easily, creating a pretty steady stream of new videos for me to try when I get home too late to go out running. (Give me a break, I live in East Oakland.) Recently she bought Shaun T.'s Hip Hop Abs. There are something like four workouts in the system and you're supposed to "be ready to hit the dance floor in your killer new body in no time!"

I tried the 45-minute Total Body Burn and found it to be a fun little way to burn a few calories. The moves were fairly easy to do, even for my uncoordinated self and it was better than watching reruns of Friends. I'm sure I'd look a fool if I tried to do these moves on any dance floor with anyone that is not blind, but in the secrecy of my own home, I rocked it out.

In conclusion, this is a fun alternative to sitting on your lazy butt because you got home late but I'm not sure if I'd really get a "killer body" doing the workout regularly. And I don't intend to find out - I love being outdoors way too much.

Rating: B

Reasons I love Trail Running

1. Alone time - It's nice to disconnect from the cell, blackberry, office, life obligations, etc.
2. Silence - Just me and the birds, wind and occasional squirrel.
3. Being in nature - I'll have to take a camera with me sometime, Northern California is simply beautiful.
4. My butt - It's really getting a nice shape.
5. The thrill - Nothing beats the push of going up a hill only to fly down the other side.
6. When I suck, then I'm just hiking - I'm still new at this, so when I push myself too hard, or just can't do it anymore - hey, I'm hiking! Still sounds impressive.
7. Boys - Trail running/hiking makes for a great date.
8. The views - The SF skyline gets me every time.
9. Legs - I might not be embarrassed by jiggly thighs in a few months, this is still to be determined.
10. It's free! - I'm a cheapskate, and I hate the gym, hate paying for it and hate the pretentiousness of it. And it's free!

Yes, I said "Fat"

I used to be fat. I'm not just some girl who thought she was fat. At my high weight, in January 2005, I weighed 281 pounds. And at 5'9", that's fat. I was fat from elementary school on. It used to scare me to say I was fat, but it is what it is. It was unhealthy. I didn't like that I couldn't do things other kids my age were doing. Now, I wasn't some unhappy, awkward fat girl who thought life was terrible - I was extremely happy and had many friends. I was just fat.

Something shifted in me when I started my career. I couldn't do it - I was exhausted all of the time from crazy work hours and stress eating like no one's business. I decided that being fat had to go. I wasn't being fair to myself. I wanted more out of life. So I joined WW, lost 60 pounds. Stopped going. Gained 10 pounds - freaked out. Joined WW again and lost another 50 pounds. Today's weigh-in: 183. I can taste it, 2 more to my 100 pound mark.

I am a reformed fat chick. I will struggle my entire life with my weight.