7 months

I haven't blogged about the weight loss journey in 7 months. Off to Hawaii in two days, but perhaps my Q4 resolution should be to blog more. And lose weight.

Back on Track

Finally not ill and working out more! Went hiking last Saturday, it was beautiful! Went for a walk yesterday, also nice but a bit chilly. Going to the gym tonight! I love being active again. :-)

Really? That's me?!?

Sometimes I look in the mirror and can't believe that the girl in the mirror is me! I usually think of myself now how I really look but every now and then is catches me off guard. And when I look at old pictures of me - I feel sorry for the hurting, sometimes lonely, wanting to just fit in girl that I was. I'm glad that I have been able to lose weight for me.

Here's to 5 days back on WW plan!!

2008 is going to be great year....

I can just feel it. 2008 is going to be great. I've taken some time off blogging, paying attention to what I eat and just adjusting to life. But I didn't stop exercising. Althought my net is +3 pounds since September, I'll take it. I'm in a solid size 12 and know I need to get back to Weight Watchers and stick to it for a few months to drop these last stubborn 20-25 pounds.

New Year's Resolutions:

1. Blog at least once a week
2. Get to goal weight
3. Do a big hike such as Clouds Rest
4. Wear a size 8

Sounds good to me. Bring it on 08, we're going to rock it!

Vegas, Part Deux

Yep, I'm back in Vegas. Yep, I'm WAY over my points. Yep, I've probably gained 10 pounds. Too bad but must get back on track ASAP. Not next week, not when things calm down - right now.

I have such a thick skull, I wonder when it will actually click with me that I am eating to live, not living to eat.

P.S. Carnegie Deli at Mirage is yummy. The steamed broccoli was great......so was the burger.

P.P.S. Grandpa died yesterday. I'm going to the funeral, I need the closure. Vegas to SLC then Oakland. Good thing I packed a dress, I'll probably still hit Target Saturday afternoon, I like excuses to go shopping.

Hiking the "Y"

Reacting to stress with food is my first instinct. Last night I had a bit of a binge with 16 points worth of ice cream and chips. But I counted points, journaled it and am within my allowances for the week. So I'm cool with it. I'm in a bit of a negative place emotionally right now - trying to reconcile that I may very well indeed not ever acheive my seceret life goal of being a wife and Mom.

Instead, I'm going to think about how cool I am. For example, I hiked the Y in 27 minutes! Holla. Freshman year in college, it took me an hour and a half. Take that, mountain. Plus, I kept waiting for it to get hard so I was conserving energy and not running. Well, no need, it stayed pretty easy. All that stair climber and hiking prepping for half-dome is paying off for my self-esteem. :-)

Why I heart BYU!

BYU is my alma mater and little did I know that you can get BYU ice cream! What a fantastic game day treat for those football parties! Too bad it's still like a zillion points per serving of real ice cream - but I'd burn it off in my enthusiastic cheering for a few hours.

Go Cougars! And go me for not living anywhere near where this flavor is sold! Ha! Temptation denied!

Weekend: Success

This weekend went really well. I said my good-byes, although I don't think it's really hit me that he's going to die in a few weeks. I learned an important lesson where food is concerned. I took control and offered to make lunch/dinner on Saturday and Sunday, leaving me able to plan and feed everyone what I wanted. This put my Mom as ease, as I know she's super stressed and hates cooking, allowed me to have control over what I ate and show off some newly acquired cooking skills.

We had Salmon with Lemon, Capers, and Rosemary with a hot broccoli pasta salad on Saturday for dinner and my very own Hamburger recipe grilled in the backyard with grilled corn on the cob, cold pasta salad and watermelon on Sunday. I got to enjoy the company of my grandpa, parents, sister, best friend and her husband and kids and didn't worry once about the food!

And you know what? It paid off at the scale. Down 1.6 today to 183.4. I'm not back to where I was a month ago (178) but this is a lifestyle change and I don't except losing weight to be easy. It paid off even more giving me a sense of accomplishment at being able to cope with real life.

Preparing for the weekend

I'm going to UT tomorrow for a few days. Normally not a big deal but this trip is to say good-bye to my Grandpa. He's going off of dialysis next week and will pass away sometime this month. I haven't thought much about this trip, mostly because I don't want to think about saying goodbye to one of my heroes. Part of life is death and I know he's excited to be out of pain and see my Grandma again. And honestly, I'm happy for him, and a little sad for me.

This trip poses a challenge for me. I want the good things, saying goodbye, seeing my family but I hate dealing with emotional situations when I can't control what food is around. My parents don't understand why every time I go home I hit the grocery store and spend $50 on food. And I think it hurts them a little - food equals love in my house. It did growing up and it still does. Living 1500 miles away from my family is certainly more selfish than most people realize.

I just need to remember that eating my emotions is not going to solve anything.

Half Dome was AMAZING

The months of running, rowing, hiking, stair climbing, eating right(ish) paid off. I made it to the top of half-dome! Hiking is such a personal experience for me. I love the time with myself to disconnect and reflect.

The day started dark and early around 4 a.m. After breaking camp and driving into Little Yosemite we got started on the trail around 6 am. Two granite staircases for what seemed like miles, endless switchbacks in the forest, eating salami (which I usually detest but was the best tasting thing ever!), seeing half-dome rise into the sky after having hiked for hours, self-doubt, self-talk and finally hauling myself up the cables, the view was worth it - the sense of accomplishment was even more worth it.

The continued success of this weight loss journey is going to be very mental. I need to stop thinking of myself as the slow, sluggish girl I was and start truly thinking of myself as the strong, active successful person I am.

And now I can say I've hiked Half Dome!

I survived half dome! Celebrating at the beach :-) Details on the dome tomorrow.

I may throw up

After I finish freaking out about the cables at half-dome. I shouldn't have gone looking for pictures to post to the blog.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

Breathe.

I will not let my allergies get me down

Why do I always get sick before a big hike? Ok, that was a bit dramatic but I can not have my allergies knock me out this week. I am doing half-dome on Saturday sick or not. I took Benadryl this afternoon (it knocked me out for 4 hours) and am feeling a touch better. Plans to work out this week are in the toilet but that's ok, I didn't procrastinate prepping for the hike - I am going to rock this. Note to self: buy gloves for the cables - REI is having a sale, go tomorrow.

7 days and counting

In exactly one week I will be attempting half-dome in Yosemite. I am trying to not freak out. I just need to get some gloves for the cables but I've got everything else I need. This is going to be ok, I like to hike. I've been hiking for months to get ready. (Sound like I'm trying to convince myself much?) So here are my mini-goals for between now and half-dome:

Eat super healthy
Work out today, Sunday, Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday (rest Thursday and Friday)
Mentally rehearse finishing the hike
Relax and not freak myself out

Half-some is going to rock (ha ha) and I am going to do this!

Skip Dessert

Mucho thanks to my friend Crystal, who pointed me towards this shirt. I heart it!! Pick up your own "Skip Dessert" shirt. All the cool kids are doing it.

Contract for Success

I, Reformed Fat Chick, hereby agree and commit to take the following steps to improve my accountability to myself and increase my chances for weight loss success:

• I will not let one small slip-up convince me that I'm stupid, worthless, or a lost cause. I will respect myself by refusing to engage in verbal self-abuse, and I will find positive ways to comfort and support myself when I’m having a hard time. Specifically, I will blog about my feelings, look at how far I've come, read my list of things about me that I like.
• I will not sacrifice my own needs to make other people happy, or do for them what they can and should be doing for themselves. When there is a conflict between my exercise and eating plans and what other people want me to do, I will negotiate to find a reasonable solution that allows me to do what I need to do for myself.
• I choose to be in charge of my own decisions and behavior. I will not talk, think, or act as if my cravings or subconscious made me do it. I will ask myself what’s most important to me at that moment and make my decision. If I don’t like the consequences, I will try something different the next time.

Special thanks to this handy little article.

Dating "Gym" and sleeping

Went to the gym last night (I think I'm going to start telling my extended family I'm dating "gym" so they'll leave me alone about being, *GASP* 25 and single - I am totally happy with it) and had a great workout. Did my 3K of rowing that I like to warm up with, and then ran/walked fast on the treadmill for 30 minutes. It felt really good, I slept well and I feel more in control.

It seems when I work out, I need to sleep less - I still sleep a lot - but less than if I don't work out. When I was younger I wanted to be one of those people who got by on 4 hours of sleep. Well, that just isn't going to work. Even when I work out, I need 8 good hours of sleep to be useful the next day. And when I don't work out, I like 9-10 hours of sleep. And naps. Oh, naps are heavenly. I must remember this great feeling of accomplishment and control and power that eating right and working out gives me. Maybe I should take it up a notch from just dating "gym" to making him my boyfriend.

Feeling Large Yet In Charge

YAY! I made it to the gym last night, rowed, ran and am committed to going tonight (at like 10 pm, but who cares)! I've tracked my food for two days now and am feeling way more in control. Feeling better, after just two days. Going to find a Fall 5K since I bailed on the Peach Festival one this summer. I really miss the running.

It's strange to explain to others how food has very little to do with actual, physical hunger for me. Eating is wrapped up in my emotional state of being, the way I was taught love and how I react to anything. For example:

Happy = celebrate with cookie.
Sad = cheer self up with cookie.
Anxious = distract self with cook.
Bored = entertain self with cookie.
Nostalgic = eat cookie to remind myself of other cookies.

I'm slowly learning to recognize actual hunger and to eat only then. I have a post-it on my desk that reads "If it isn't hunger, food won't fix it." Maybe I should tattoo that on my dominant hand, and read it every time before indulging in those cookies. Mom would love that.

Vegas Restaurant Round-up

I'm embracing my 188 weigh in today (yes, I've recommitted again and am back on track) with a review of the Las Vegas restaurants that contributed to the gain.

1. Aureole was amazing. Simply amazing. I had a apricot infused cheese thing for the appetizer (the special) and Roasted rack of Colorado lamb - tender lamb stuffed Campari tomato, braised flageolet beans, Nicoise olives and Rosemary Jus -for the main course and a Dark chocolate Mint Bar with spearmint ice cream Terrine dark mint chocolate - chocolate fudge sauce, mint essence - dessert yummyness. The ambiance was serene and peaceful. Was with a journalist, so super formal work mode. The couple at the table next to me got engaged, which was adorable! Rating: A.

2. Fleur de Lys was also a great meal. I had a nice salad to start and then a steak. YUM! The dessert had a Basil ice cream. It was a little weird but then started to grow on you. I was in a big group, work related, so the atmosphere was fun, but it was still work, so it's not like anyone was dancing on the tables. Rating: A-

3. Hit Red, White and Blue for a burger and post-crazy meal. Burger. Good. Fried. Good. Onion Rings. Good. Brownie extravaganza. Scrumptious. Shared the dessert with a co-worker, so I feel sightly better about that. The dense, crisp yet chewy brownies stacked with vanilla ice cream and drizzled with gooey fudge made for an amazing, sinful end to the "restaurant" eating at the conference. Rating: B+

4. In and Out Burger. Shout out to my favorite burger joint! I live in Cali. and honestly this is the only burger place I hit when feeling the fast food need (about once a month). Rating: C+ (my animal style onions were all squished at the bottom, so not the best I've had there.)

5. Il Fornaio - Had some great pizza here after riding the NY, NY roller coaster. It was a little scrimpy on the toppings and the crust was super thin, so not all that filling, but the spicy flavor in the sauce was delicious. Rating: B-

There was some various hotel food, fruit cups, yogurt, etc. consumed through out the week, nothing else really noteworthy. Overall, Vegas you were fun, but I can't eat like that every week.

Vegas and destressing

WOO HOO, the work insanity is finally coming to a normal level!!! Spent the last week in Vegas for work and had a really fun/manic time. Lots of restaurants to review in Mandalay Bay over the next few days (inlcuding a 4 diamond rated one! YUM!) , lots of gym time to make-up, although three days on 4 inch heels in a conference center should count for something and roller coasters to discuss and well as many, many NSV's!

Top three Vegas Non Scale Victories:

1. Eating good food and not freaking out that I wasn't tracking. (a peek at the scale shows I'm up 2 pounds, but will weigh in officially in the morning)
2. Being able to cross my legs in my window seat of a full flight and not be using anyone else's space!
3. Fitting in the rollercoasters without any problems!

I love being almost normal in weight for so many reasons.